Today is the first again

3 hours of sleep, i wake up like nothing, strangely. I just dress my self up and go to University, with a weird feeling in my stomach, im so nervous. Oh god, im so nervous, i don't wanna be here, my first class was like nothing, i saw my class mates, we laughed like usual, my professor thought i haven't been coming because i was drunk or something, that the week of parties was actually two weeks for me. I laugh, pretending its true.

I don't want to be here, its kind of funny, a lot of things have happened lately, some people hate me, some think im weird, some don't even want to think about me at all. And i just don't know what im gonna do here, this is not my life, i don't feel like it is, i shouldn't be this empty, it shouldn't be this empty. I have to admit im afraid, of going on, of continue here without you, and that suddenly im gonna forget about you, and all we thought we were going to be, to live, to have. God, i don't want to forget you, and start living normal, i don't think im gonna be able to do that, i just feel so weird here, im not capable to talk to my class mates, i don't even like them. Im not capable to see my friends, the ones i care about, im not capable to love anymore.

I can't have a life knowing you don't have one, i can't do anything know you can't do them now. Im so afraid of what im feeling right now, this fear, of all this. Of knowing that reality slapped in my face, told me to wake up and realize that there is no dream, no perfect life, no romantic end, no nothing. And that all those people that used to think i was naive, crazy, had no life, was a loser, they were totally right, cause if i see my self in a mirror right now all i will see its me, alone, with nothing real to hold. I had to stop holding on my dreams. It was useless, it was more pain, i can't have more pain, i can't take more pain.
All i can say is that im done with people, they won't have to worry never again, that actually feels kind of good, and im not running away, or shutting my self out, maybe i am, i don't care, i just don't want to forget you person. I still feel like if i do my normal life again im gonna end up in your house, to go steal some dvds, or play some video games, and have a stupid fight about who is gonna go buy something to eat, or why do i always want the normal food and you the crappy one. Thats my normal life, how can i continue my normal life when its gone.
So today is the first day again, and im not feeling normal, so, im gonna try to be here, even if im alone. Cause today is the first day again, though is a fucking hard day.

Do not hold on dreams, cause it hurt even more when people keep telling you that you can't live like this, that you are incredibly, stupidly and tremendously unreal, and people cannot trust in a unrealist dreamer. All that its true, so let go, is really not worth and it hurts so much when you wake up. Every day.

Tup tu ru (woo pa poop), Tup tu ru ru (woop up)