Con cara de inocente

Angélica Araya es una mujer de unos 40 años, sencilla, de buena situación económica, pero de una dudosa situación profesional, según Ruby Playa y Barbara Torrejón, quienes aseguran hber sido estafadas por ésta mujer.
En octubre del 2007 Ruby conoce a Angélica a través de Barbara, su amiga, Angélica les cuenta que es hija del gerente de un banco, y se conseguía escrituras de casas, autos y préstamos bancarios sin tanto "papeleo" y trámites que piden normalmente en un banco. Ruby, totalmente confiada, debido a las muestras de confianza que demostraba Barbara, su amiga, ya que ésta conocía a Angélica, su dirección, su familia, y todo el dnero que poseía, no haía razón alguna para no desconfiar de las palabras de ésta mujer.

I just keep dreaming like a fool

I really thought i was going to be happy

Primer amor
No dejes que me vaya más
Voy a dormir contigo hasta el amanecer

Despiértame antes de que salga el sol
Tú sabes que no hay nadie
que te quiera como yo lo hago
No, no, no, no, no.

Ámame más
no dejes de respirar
ámame así
con tu locura y calor

Tú sabes que eres el primero en mí
tú sabes cuanto me cuesta marcharme amor
de tu lado
ámame más



Día tras día
estoy contigo
Día tras día
siempre eres mío
Noche tras noche
aún sigo tuya
Tú y yo
Tú y yo
Nada podría separarnos(bis)

Amanecer
tapado en mi cama sin tí
sin tu boca, sin tus ojos
sin tu risa, sin tus besos
sin tus locas ganas de quereme a mí
a mí
a mí no me preocupa que tal vez
tal vez, tal vez
un día pase y no te vea
estoy tranquilo, estoy tranquilo
estoy pensando en tí


Día tras día (tal vez)
Día tras día (tal vez)
Noche tras noche (tal vez)
Tú y yo
Tú y yo
Nada podría separarnos...



I really thought there was nothing like us in this earth, so please allow me to be sad, allow me to be helpless, and let me dream what we could have been for the last time.

Time still exist

All i can think of now is about love, how do we give so much, and how much it hurts when we can't give anymore to someone the love we have for them.
I don't want to give my love anymore, not if they are going to go and leave me here, missing them, crying them, suffering for them. But it is innevitable not to, and its painfull. To feel that the people i still have with me could go in a sec, just like that, so easily, so simple, it has become one of my biggets fears ever, even more when it comes about people i care more than anything, i don't want to ever even think about how i would feel if i lose them, if i lose you.
Please let me find an answer without losing my hope. It seems like im not capable of keep going like this, im scared of feeling so sad all the time, i say thanks to god for letting me know people thats is capable of make me smile just because they exist. All i can do is enjoy my life, like they would have want me to do.

This is for you grandpa always in my heart. For you Carlos. And specially for you Person, there hasn't been that i haven't missed you.

o.O

So one day i realized my best friend, the man the knew me like no one else is not gonna be here, for the rest of my life. I knows it sounds dramatic, but its the truth though.
The thing about ending friendships is that you never end them somehow, cause they remain in your thoughts, until the day you no longer exist. I did tried to preserve one friendship once, but then again when i had some "problems" and tried to find a friend to talk, he pretty much yelled at me saying i was a cold heart bitch or something like that. That moment made me realize i will never gonna have a friend like my bestfriend was, i never had even a small fight with him, or with any other of my friends really, but when this mate told me to go out with my problems to someone else, i just realized that friends are what you need to have the most, and now with one of the best man i have ever met resting in peace, i just don't know how can i trust in anyone else. Or didn't knew to be exactly.
When i talked with you, even though i was completely freaked out and couldn't stop crying and had the worse feelings since my bestfriend's death, you were there, and we really started to talk since that night, im so gracefull for that, cause now we are closer than before, and i have found in you the person i've been looking all my life.
I never thought someone like you could exist, so romantic, so inocent, so pure, so full of kindness and good thoughts, i just can't believe how simple as a person you are and how complex your feelings are, it has just hypnotised me, cause you are a great man, and i just love how the days are passing by and seeing in you what i've always wanted.

Am i?

Today is the first again

3 hours of sleep, i wake up like nothing, strangely. I just dress my self up and go to University, with a weird feeling in my stomach, im so nervous. Oh god, im so nervous, i don't wanna be here, my first class was like nothing, i saw my class mates, we laughed like usual, my professor thought i haven't been coming because i was drunk or something, that the week of parties was actually two weeks for me. I laugh, pretending its true.

I don't want to be here, its kind of funny, a lot of things have happened lately, some people hate me, some think im weird, some don't even want to think about me at all. And i just don't know what im gonna do here, this is not my life, i don't feel like it is, i shouldn't be this empty, it shouldn't be this empty. I have to admit im afraid, of going on, of continue here without you, and that suddenly im gonna forget about you, and all we thought we were going to be, to live, to have. God, i don't want to forget you, and start living normal, i don't think im gonna be able to do that, i just feel so weird here, im not capable to talk to my class mates, i don't even like them. Im not capable to see my friends, the ones i care about, im not capable to love anymore.

I can't have a life knowing you don't have one, i can't do anything know you can't do them now. Im so afraid of what im feeling right now, this fear, of all this. Of knowing that reality slapped in my face, told me to wake up and realize that there is no dream, no perfect life, no romantic end, no nothing. And that all those people that used to think i was naive, crazy, had no life, was a loser, they were totally right, cause if i see my self in a mirror right now all i will see its me, alone, with nothing real to hold. I had to stop holding on my dreams. It was useless, it was more pain, i can't have more pain, i can't take more pain.
All i can say is that im done with people, they won't have to worry never again, that actually feels kind of good, and im not running away, or shutting my self out, maybe i am, i don't care, i just don't want to forget you person. I still feel like if i do my normal life again im gonna end up in your house, to go steal some dvds, or play some video games, and have a stupid fight about who is gonna go buy something to eat, or why do i always want the normal food and you the crappy one. Thats my normal life, how can i continue my normal life when its gone.
So today is the first day again, and im not feeling normal, so, im gonna try to be here, even if im alone. Cause today is the first day again, though is a fucking hard day.

Do not hold on dreams, cause it hurt even more when people keep telling you that you can't live like this, that you are incredibly, stupidly and tremendously unreal, and people cannot trust in a unrealist dreamer. All that its true, so let go, is really not worth and it hurts so much when you wake up. Every day.

Tup tu ru (woo pa poop), Tup tu ru ru (woop up)

El Dia Cero

Ayer no fue un día fácil, la verdad no lo han sido estos últimos pare ser más franco. He despertado con una imagen en mi mente, una sensación de miedo y tristeza no aparente, permanezco unos 20 minutos en cama, pensando, tratando de rebobinar y descubrir como fue que todo salió tan mal el día anterior.
La honestidad, ¿quién me puede citar una historia? con un final feliz, en donde ella, la gran protagonista brilla, pues es la puerta de entrada a la prosperidad, la honestidad... Mis miedos más grandes fueron desvelados anoche, y mi inseguridad casi me arrebata lo que más amo en este mundo. ¿Podemos decir que en verdad amamos?, que no vamos a dejar de amar a alguien al ver sus verdaderos defectos, sus errores, sus lacras. ¿Entonces debería de esconderlos de nuevo?, al momento de ver que la persona que era en ese entonces, débil, ¿no era lo que en realidad se necesitaba? dios me libre si fuése así.
Y fuése un imbécil!, el que por miedo trató de alejar al amado, en eterno conflicto con sus miedos, sus inseguridades, y su pavura al pensar que no era suficiente, que no lo sería, que no lo és. Tal vez otro pedazo del corazón que se pierde, total ¿cuántas veces no lo han roto ya?, el miedo a perder es lo que nos mueve como ser humanos, mi inexperiencia hizo que me carcomiera por dentro, me destrozara y encadenara la razón en el rincón de mis pensamientos, donde sólo concurrían los sueños, que nunca fueron o que nunca van a ser. Como sea, ¿importa? ¿acaso volveré a caer de nuevo? ¿me perdonará si caigo otra vez? ¿será mi culpa? lucho constantemente por evitar que lo sea.
Hoy me han enviado una petición, me haré cargo un grupo de niños de escasos recursos y les enseñaré a escribir, ¿y quién me enseña a mi?. Este es mi nuevo comienzo, una oportunidad de empezar de Cero, y que lo que Dios me imponga en el futuro lo tomaré con sapiencia, no importa sufra o no, ya he llorado, necesitaba recordar lo que se sentía, anoche el espejo deshidratado miraba en el silencio cualquier cosa que pudiera dilucidar un pensamiento, menos mal que ya es parte del ayer, que aunque aún me pesé, puedo sobrellevar ahora que tengo una exhortación de lo que me pueda preparar un incierto mañana, que aunque a veces descifrable, nunca se puede saber como afrontar.
Se que aún me queda mucho para estar mejor, ella me lo ha dicho, tal vez meses, dios quiera que no. Sólo puedo pensar en tratar de recuperar, creo que me es fácil ahora, ser voluntario me ayuda mucho en mi día a día. Sin embargo, quiero tratar de ser un buen ejemplo para los menores, a nadie le gusta un desichado con cara de amargado, es triste que ya no pueda escuchar my playlist, ciertas canciones me producen algo que anoche me partió en dos, y si bien ya estoy seco, cual árbol otoñal, aún no cicatrizo, el sol puede ayudar, si bien es un proceso lento, todo depende de mi...
Nunca me agradó sentir la presión, menos si tiene que ver con mi bien estar mental y psicológico, pero es una buena causa, por la que vale el esfuerzo, mañana espero y el día no sea tan largo, es todo tan difícil sin ti, pero creo que es lo mejor por estos días, solo espero y me sigas extrañando tanto como yo te extraño a ti.

I feel nothing but...

Nunca pensé que podría sentirme así, con tanto miedo. Por fin tengo a alguien que me ama, alguien que se que podría dar todo por mi, y en serio, él es el hombre con el que quiero pasar el resto de mi vida, así que ya no sigo escribiendo al aire.

Adam:
Nunca pensé que podría tener tanto miedo, cuando me di cuenta de que te estaba alejando de mi inconsciente y estúpidamente por este sentimiento que me produce una congoja indeseada pero inebitable de sentir. Se que no debería, pero jamás pensé que podría morir por dentro si no te soy capaz de tenerte en mis brazos, no hay nada más que anhele que un beso tuyo, que el roce de tus labios junto a los míos. ¿Qué es un día, un mes o dos, sabiendo que es un hecho no sería problema, pero, aunque trato de evitar el herir mis pensamientos y echar atrás la idea de que "quizas" (y dios me libre de ése quizas) exista la posibilidad de que no te pueda tocar, no te pueda ver, no te pueda sentir...

No pude aguantar, trate, hasta me hice una idea en la cabeza de lo que pasaría si tal hecho llegase a ocurrir, trate de alejarte inconscientemente, sabiendo que lo hacía para no sufrir cuando me dijeras que no has podido tener el formulario firmado, estúpidamente me convertí en un imbécil tratando de ser indiferente o quizas hasta cruel contigo, tratando de que me resintieras, y así hacer tan difícil el adiós. Que idiota, tratar de apartar lo más bello que me ha pasado en la vida, por mis inseguridades e inexperiencia frente a nuestra situación. Sabiendo que estarás en mi corazón por siempre, no importa lo que haga o lo que me pase.

Tal vez lo que me haya pasado me haga lo que soy, no se, me gusta pensar que soy una buena persona, por lo tanto no tengo asperezas o resentimientos frente a lo que me he convertido, desearía no ser tan débil, y tener la fuerza emocional que a veces puedo llegar a tener frente a otras situaciones totalmente distintas, pero nada me afecta como lo haces tú, te amo como jamás pensé que se podría, parezco una balada cursi y hasta trillada, un cliché del tiempo que llevo todo el tiempo.

No puedo ser más feliz, eso lo sé, el haberte conocido fue lo mejor que jamás me pudo haber sucedido, y sigo sonriendo cuando pienso en ti Adam, y se me aprieta la pansita, no puedo respirar y siento como un aire me recorre el cuerpo, llegando a mi enrojecido y feliz/nostálgico rostro. Jamás querría hacerte daño, jamás querría apartarte de mi, eres un suspiro en la noche, cada noche al acostarme, y un pensamiento en la mañana al despertarme.

No hay nada más hermoso que lo que siento por ti, y siempre será así Adam, hasta que de mi último suspiro, envejecido y todavía sintiéndome como un loco enamorado por ti. Soy un hombre afortunado, lo digo entre lágrimas de felicidad.


Siempre sonríes en mi mente, y es hermoso.

A thousand miles away

I know we are appart, and i can no longer wait until the day i will finally see you, but for now i am just happy to have met you because, i love you, and nothing else matters to me more than you. So happy aniversary Adam, you don't know how much i love you, I don't even know how much i love you.


The video might not be good, but the song speaks for it self

I've found the one

this is how i feel right now, this is how i will feel in the future, plus the feelings that will come becuase it is still a mistery to me, how much i love you, i will never know, but i'll be knowing day by day until im 90 years old and and found me right next to you.

El cielo entre tus manos

Brillantes de ilusión
tus ojos mi sol
tus manos mi extensión
tu risa esta voz

No tienes que entender lo que he hecho con mi vida
el tiempo nos dedica esta función

Y en ti yo puedo ver lo mejor que he soñado
y puedo contener el cielo entre mis manos
lo que me digas lo que me pidas lo busco hasta encontrarlo
si me lo pides el mundo te lo cambio.

Olvidé todo el dolor al verte aparecer
mi sangre de beber en tus venas

y no tienes que entender lo que ha pasado
el tiempo nos dedica esta función

Y en ti yo puedo ver lo mejor que he soñado
y puedo contener el cielo entre mis manos
lo que me digas lo que me pidas lo busco hasta encontrarlo
si me lo pides el mundo te lo cambio

Y te daré mi mano al verte tropezar
y la soltaré al ver pasos firmes.

Y en ti yo puedo ver lo mejor que he soñado
y puedo contener el cielo entre mis manos
lo que me digas lo que me pidas lo busco hasta encontrarlo
si me lo pides el mundo te lo cambio.

All that and more is what im feeling for you my love, words have no translation for this, feelings have no definition when i think of you. I love. its all that matters to me.

The fears i won't fear

Be scared, i will not never let you go that easy, or that hard either, because im scare too, but now you are a part of me, and you were since the first day i said "Hi, im Enry".
And no, i don't know, and i get nervous, and i laugh with no reason, right after that, and i think that it really doesn't matter, its you, its me, and we are more than this fears we have, what makes you be, what makes me weep, what makes you smile and what makes me believe. Maybe im a fool, cheers for another relation that will make me breathe, so loud, so strong, i will grab my wine or the pisco we'll have :P and finally dance, i will sing you my song, rather you like it or not, and my heart will beat faster, you will do that.
So who cares about the flaws, i know i can leave with that. can i? LOL, no doubts, i know that for a fact. All i can do know is wait, we will breathe in our mouths, be blind for a while, until the light comes and we will just relax.

So don't worry, my feelings are not, there is nothing you could say or do that would make me take it back, 80 we will be and about this we will laugh :)

Love you for ever, because this life is not enough.

The big deal

All i need is to look in your eyes to realize that i know. God, i knew it for a long time, its funny how life plays with me all the time, that and the fact that i suck at hints or stuffs like that. I never thought that when you said that i'll not gonna be able to see you or talk to you, thats when i knew it, "fuck i have feelings for you" i said, i kind of laugh a little bit because it was funny :)
But, when was the time were i really really knew it, it was when i read your blog, those words ripped my heart, and then i knew it, inside, i couldn't be more sure of it, and my goodness i felt so bad, when i read your blog, i didn't told you that, and all i could think about was, what if...
Im not afraid now, and i love that you think its a big deal, it is, and i know i don't need to be there to feel it. I know it when you are smiling at me, when you are being serious, when you say im paranoid, when you are obssesed with things, when im drunk :P, kind of when you are drunk :P hehehehehehe, when im desperate to talk to you and when you say i have to go to bed now.
Te amo Adam, and i will love you the same or even more when i see you, touche you, feel you.

I finally have my song now.


Saiko : El cielo entre tus manos

Stupid me...

In this moments i can't stop thinking about my soundtrack, how it manages to go with me, and my stories, oh my stories, its amazing how life can still surprise you, i love her sense of humour. Well, someone cares about me, i dare to say, has some feelings for me.

Did i know...

I wish i knew before, im sorry, it is hard for me to think that you sould have this emotions, im just a small and silly mate from Chile that thinks that everyone is a good person (naive), who has being alone for two years now, until now, oh and i have three pimples now, call it stress, right.
I must say i have no fear now, i can say it, TE QUIERO, and never want to close my eyes, unless you're in my thoughts, restlessness its all i have now, your face, your hand, your eyes... Its true that i could stare at them for an entire life, and it really scares me now... will i stay 'til the end with you... it doesn't matter, all i know now is that you will be in a white street looking at me, smiling at me, i know i'll probably be more nervous than ever thinking if you are going to like what you will see, and mention nothing about it trying not to ruin the moment, and waiting for the moment you promised me.
It scares me how this is going to fast for me, it has been quite a while since the last time, when i got my heart broke (the story of my life), and never been in a relation ship after that, and i know my self, although i don't like to admit it i do, and i tend to rush things, and start to analyze everything, and don't laugh, im not paranoid, its really hard to just breathe and relax, so shut it.
Knowing that all has change now, sleeping far away and slow, and then we met, to celebrate the luck, i feel the strong air running faster it close my eyes, my heart beats faster and all i can do is smile, because i cannot stop hugging you...
This is new for me, and im feel happy, its amazing how you turned a very shitty day into the most happiest day i could ever had Adam...

All i can think now is. Am i going to fast? LOL

Easy beat my POP is here

Was is this? my life is going much simplier than before, still everything is the same, but now that you are over, somehow, and i know how many good mates i have in this life, virtual or here with me, i really don't care, is all the same, how interesting can life be, never thought, a year ago, that something like this could ever happen, and it is actually making extremly happy, it is great when you talk normally with someone and you feel you can talk to them about everything.

So yes, i am happy, and maybe thats why, i really don't know, but i've been listening to some pop songs in spanish and english quite often, and although i make no judges about pop music, i am the kind of person that enjoys a gorgeous lyric that make my hear beat faster or squeeze my stomach. But then again, isn't that the purpose of pop music? to make you close your eyes, make your heart beats faters, and move, yes, and move.

So im moving faster, and my feets has some sort of rythm, while i have 7 pop songs now on my music player, between radiohead and anthony and the johnsons it was a random playlist, but i enjoy this sort of things, how randomly come inot my life, its kind of girly and pink music, like i call it, but i don't care that much now, i am enjoying the happyness that brings me those 3:30 minutes of easy melodies and easygoing lyrics, its much simplier and that is good sometimes.

Especially now that im prosperous with all this mates on my life thank you to all of you

You are doing mines

Hope...

We have it, you feel it, i share it. It is more than a possible future to me, for i am waiting for you since i was a beat, a small beat. You will be my smile someday, i'll be the heat inside your stomach, your fast breathes, tightening your heart, and making your hands sweat.

I wish you were my hope, when he said "i will call you, wait for me". When he did my rain, they all did, still are...

I am a your tear, my hands are salty they are trying to help me, although there was no need for they to do that, i am very glad they did. I have to say im ok, im flying in this waterfall, refresh my inside. I no longer beating for he, my rainbow want my colours and i need some blues and reds my yellows and greens, i have all this colours now i can do millions of things with them, because i know they will want me to take them, now what colour.

What colours of all this colours.

Don't know if its true

I was wondering if there is any clue, a sign, something that tells you this is the right person for you. And that if you don't go with him you are going to spend the rest of your life alone. We all have the "must have a, must be like, must know this" rules when it comes to a person that aply to be your soulmate.

I must say that all i want is a heart a brain and a hug, i want a smile and a tear, but all i truly want is you...

Ears i don't understand

As a language and as emotions as well. Shades of what it seems to ve a verse that crash into your heart with no reason, it does not matter, you surrender your self into this sound, and yet it is unknow to your mind.

Yes it is music

And it is music of my country, enjoy it if you want

The name of this band is Saiko :






This band is De Saloon :







This band is Lucybell :







This band is Golem:







This lady is Nicole:







So this is it, apreciate the sound of the last country of the world, and listen to the sounds of the last corner in earth.

We both...

Im trying to leave this place, that attracts me towards him, the ethereal image of you is haunting me, estaticly locked in a world that once was, i take you out of my head, my hand won't let you go, it presses your moments, because i know that, that is all you are, although i keep imegining how your smile is, so you come back, and like my curse you are my bless, it does not matter how wrong i know this is, and it does not matter how wrong you think this is...

Close your eyes, i want you to imagine mines my hands touching the top of your hair, slowly, im whispering in my ear, i know you can hear me, and i know you can feel me, im caressing your face, with bith of my hands, i make you look at me and... god, your eyes.. open your eyes... i breathe deeply, or try to, i am lucky, and pray to time, to stop my body, the shaking blood runs high through my body, i am smiling just by looking at your eyes, i thank god for my tears.

Don't say good bye now, who knows if we could actually...

A night in my bed

My hesitation lets me feel this burn with some unpleasant pleasure. I feel uncomfortable. I should not be walking here right now, but God I’m always walking (and god I need a shower...). I’m bored. I miss my cell phone. Just 15 more minutes and I will be home. I need to get ready for tonight. I need to go out with my mates and forget about you for one night.

Ah, the lights around my eyes form some silhouette of you. My eyes are closed, and I’m moving while the sound hits my ears and the air that I breathe makes me sweat. I’m breathing in your mouth. I’m touching you with my unconscious being, and I know you can feel it while the strange arm touches my chest which I squeeze it with your hand. I do not recognize these eyes. I can barely see now. I need more water.

Where am I?

I do not know this sound. I open my eyes and see you. This is my house and my bed, and yet you are not here anymore.

Silence...all this silence...

And now I get it. It doesn't matter where you can be, or who you can be. I can be both in my bed. And I will rise with the magic of the being; enjoy this love that is not. Love does not hope to be love now. I would like to say again that this time I stopped being ashamed of not feeling what you want me to feel. I wish I could believe there is in real time, and that we can somehow go back to where too men can finally meet and have a nice shag.

I will enjoy it while I am here with this love that is not.

My eyes are closed...

The walk

I've just finished Silent Hill Origins, thinking that the end was not as good as i thought but at the same time how much i loved the video game, full of happy silly feelings of victory i go to my living-rom and take a look outside the window, and start to listen my mp3 cd missing my cellphone losted two nights ago. My stomach squeeze, "Come here boy" starts to sound, i light up a cigarrete thinking that im going to go to bed in a few minutes, it always feels so good when im particularly listening this song, the fire start to create a thought of what i think it would be my possible orgasm in the future, and the smoke hide the face that i don't even know yet, consumes the love that im feeling full of hope that i unconsciously know it will never be.


I get out of the silence, i need to think in something else, the forgetful noise that calms me down and holds the dam, about to brake and drown my soul. Voices, chats, people, why my mates are not calling me right now, oh right, i don't have my cellphone anymore, i need to go to the beach, and i need another cigarrete, and god i need to get this song out of my head, start to gets cold, winter is coming, finally, i hug my self with my whool jacket and try to warm up with success.

Im at the beach now, aaaah the beach, this sound relaxes me, no matter how much i don't like sand, the song is out of my head, and your face fade aways with the waves, Blanket is on my thoughts now, i need to think in a Skunk Anansie song or a Stereophonics song, Radiohead to sink in my never ending depression just like a 15 years old kid who desperatly calls for a little attention... it feels right, somehow, i know its right, i shoul not be so complicated about it, or insecure, i wish i could believe in psychologists at this moment, i hate to analize me so well, and then i remember that i don't like that word, hate, is really sad, it would be so sad if i would have to lie to my self, im not insecure, i don't have dramas, im happy and laughing all the time... I need to go to my house now, have to work tomorrow.